It
should go without saying that I am no fan of myself. I don't think
it's the case with every single person that experiences depression,
but it makes sense that someone that can't control their own feelings
of hopelessness won't see themselves in a positive light. I have
particularly negative feelings toward myself, as well as the
assumption that everyone else shares those feelings.
If I don't even
like myself, why should anyone else?
I won't argue whether or not
that reasoning has valid points, it's just something long periods of
absolutely bottomed out self esteem has produced, and it's very hard
to reason against. In fact, logic is completely disarmed in these
fights because they're my own thoughts and they make perfect sense in
my head. I like to rely on logic quite a bit, so it took a long time
to even start to think that maybe this doesn't make as much sense as
I think it does. When you couple that reliance on logic with
paranoia, new and awful ideas take root. Coincidence has no place in
a paranoid world, and when that person you don't even know just
happens to look your way and laugh, there's obviously no other reason
for that laughter than you being the most pathetic being they've ever
witnessed.
