Tech Review - Retro Classic Controller for Wii U

I'm unabashed in my paternal like love for the Nintendo Wii U. It isn't the most revolutionary system in the history of electronic arts (not to be confused with Electronic Arts, which is a huge virtual whore), but I've had more fun with this system than I have with either Microsoft or Sony console.

One of my favorite features is multiplayer via the gamepad. The gamepad is the consoles main controller, and it is a handy dandy little machine that almost serves as a large and powerful handheld. During multiplayer matches one player uses the high quality smaller screen and the other uses the television via a Pro controller.

It has the same functionality of an XBox 360 controller, though the buttons and right analog stick are reversed. It takes some getting used to, but once you do it's like second nature. I have the 8 gig system, so I bought the Pro controller in white to match my sleek new system. It works very well, but in a basic white coat of paint it isn't exactly the sexiest thing since Kate Upton.

Nor is anything in the history of life.

Hello page hits.

I was tipped off to a new Wii U Pro controller by an old contact at GameStop, and despite having no practical use for it I bought it on the spot because I exhibit poor judgment in all aspects of my life.

But who could resist this beautiful piece of nostalgia? Priced at a reasonable $39.98 the Wii U Retro Controller by Interworks Unlimited immediately evokes those feelings memories of Super Mario World and Super Metroid, along with all of the other Supers that made the Super NES so...super. It has a sleek gray and purple design that, while not exceptionally vibrant, is much nicer than a boring solid white. In the middle of the Pro style controller is a mini Super NES controller that looks and feels like the real thing. All in all the design is familiar but different and a definite step up from the more expensive Nintendo version.

Old and boring meet new hotness.

Functionality is this controller's strongest point. Not only is it a pro controller, it's also a Wii remote and classic controller in one. It has a sensor in the front for wii mote use and switches on the back to change from one function to the other. It connects via USB cable like the Nintendo version, has a rechargeable battery pack, and can even connect to Android devices. It's a jack of all trades and the whole package makes it very appealing to a wide spectrum of gamers.

My mind was a flutter with the thoughts of playing Smash Bros on the Wii U with this sexy device, and the virtual console would feel even better with a sort of Super NES controller at my finger tips.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon ended the moment I took it out of its package. It was light and the buttons felt natural, but the analog sticks felt tight. Not in a "fresh and new" tight, but more like a poorly built and uncomfortable tight. Still, I chalked it up to being new and decided to give this bad boy a whirl with Black Ops 2.

Ooh! These analogs are tighter than dick skin!

It connected with ease much like the Nintendo controller, but I became a little worried when scrolling up and down through the menus I kept going left and right. It did it again and again, and it reminded me of poorly made cheap PC controllers that had awful D-pads and made menu exploration a chore. Even worse was when I got into the game and had one of my worst matches ever because the right analog stick was so stiff that aiming was near impossible. Forget about slight adjustments to take tight shots at far away enemies. It's kind of like driving a car with poor steering or playing Mario Kart with the wheel - you will over compensate.

I was thinking about switching back to the Wii U gamepad but the controller made my decision for me when it began having connection hiccups. A few moments of fiddling with the power button and I was done with this subpar device. My hopes of reliving a little bit of my childhood were dashed by just plain cheap design.

Don't be fooled by a pretty face.

It may enchant you when you first see it, but be assured that this is no Pretty Woman. This is the purest definition of a bad prostitute - it's deceivingly attractive but cheap, and once you've done your business with it and you're just holding it afterwards you feel empty and you just want to go take a shower.

It may be ten dollars cheaper than the Nintendo Pro controller and look like a better deal, but there's a reason something seemingly better ends up costing less. This one is like Fable - big promises and poor design. Do yourself a favor and spend a little extra for the officially licensed one. It may not be as pretty, but your K/D will be a hell of a lot more attractive with it.