A Musical Monolog - The Disney Villain's Birthright

Not to toot my own horn, but if there is one thing I know it's Disney songs. There are very few songs that I don't know by heart and can identify after just a few notes. Then again I've also made it a point over the years to have copies of all the soundtracks, be it digital MP3 files and cd's or the classic vinyl albums and cassettes of old. One of my prized pieces is a vinyl copy of the "Sleeping Beauty" soundtrack that my college roommates gave me as a gift.

Of all the songs Disney has produced over the years I always find myself drawn to the Villains' songs. Their monologs to music, be it praising themselves or spouting out their master plans, have always been memorable moments. I've seen several best of lists out there, but this time it's my turn. My basis for this list is not only the quality of the song but the visuals that go along with it. That instant that the character starts singing and you know they are the force of evil at work. Music and color are the keys to emotional impact in animation and the following songs all demonstrate this.

With no further ado I give you my top ten Disney villain songs.....

PRAS: Final - And the Winner is....

I know I'm a little late in getting around to this final recap, of Project Runway All Stars, but I wasn't entirely sure how I wanted to go about it. I like all three designers, be it by their work or personality. So no matter who was going to win I wouldn't hate the out come. As far as finals go it was a rather tame watch in the work room. They had four days to create a mini collection to show, and they got to choose how many pieces walked. No special twists and they each even got to choose a previously eliminated designer to help them out for a couple of days.

The K-ROW

When most people think of K-pop, they probably wouldn't think of 'Mine' by Kim Jaejoong of JYJ. The song has more of a J-Rock feel to it... not to mention the music video is quite dark. It reminded me of the move 'The Crow", which by the way I LOVED!!! I am really diggin' this MV. Everything from beginning to the end is absolutely amazing. This is from Jaejoong's first solo album.

I can't help but wonder if this video represents JYJ's freedom from their previously ongoing battle with SM Entertainment after cancelling their contract way back when. It seems as if he is breaking free from the past and being born again with a dark side. I must say, a sexy vampiresque one at that. :P

I seriously can't write anymore about this one, because, well... I just can't. I have a strong... and I mean strong
fondness for the members of JYJ. So just watch the video now, will ya!!! (Oh, he recently did an interview with MTVK, click here to watch)

“Mine”

[English Translation]
You are terrible
It’s like you are diseased
Poison that runs wild in the screams
Poison that I am already used to

Why does it scream so loudly (okay)
I will wake up from the dream why is it so futile?
Don’t come here This is my ocean
I am too busy fighting things that I could not have imagined
It is my ocean This is ocean
Don’t try to block the sun that shines on me

Sweet…

Sweet pleasure is so sweet
that it devours me up in whole

Why does it make so much noise (okay)
I will say it out loud so it resonates
Don’t come here this is my ocean
I am afraid that this place will be tainted as well
It is my ocean This is my ocean
Don’t try to block the sun that shines on me

Don’t…

This is my ocean
Don’t try to block the sun that shines on me

TMNT for NES and How it Broke My Childhood

I had this great opening paragraph about how my childhood was probably better than your childhood when it came to cartoons and video games.

Seriously, I had the spread. I was name dropping Darkwing Duck and Super Dave and the NES and all kinds of crazy shit that turned me into the well adjusted handsome young gentleman you don't see before you. I was going to get weird with it and actually cite how and why your childhood sucked and how the late 80's and early 90's were the greatest era of all time. Then I was going to call you a bitch and steal your lunch money.

But I scrapped all of that. I took everything I wrote and, much like God wiped out the Earth with a little bit of rain, I deleted it with extreme prejudice. You know why? Because I like some of the new stuff out. Not all of it, or even a good amount of it, but some of it. I definitely like the new Ninja Turtles show on Nick. This mentioning of turtles will come full circle a paragraphs from now.

Plus, going back and watching some of the old stuff I used to think was so awesome is just plain depressing. I used to love the Mario cartoon and it's a goddamn embarrassment, except for how wicked cool Lou Albano and Danny Wells are. In fact, most of the cartoons that I say are light years ahead of the Sponge Bob crap that our kids get force fed now are just plain terrible and painful to watch. I have all these DVD box sets of classic cartoons which I can't even make myself watch because they're so corny and obnoxious.

Except for Jaleel White in the Sonic cartoon. That brother was way past cool.

It's all nostalgia. As long as you remember something in a good light you're fine. Hold on to your lies for as long as you can. Just don't go back and try to relive those glory days because you'll end up a broken, broken man.

It's not just cartoons either. Before, during, and after my glory days at GameStop I would preach about how awesome the NES was and how Nintendo had the greatest consoles of all time. I stand by that statement. Long before online connectivity, DLC, and your fancy schmancy third dimension graphics were commonplace, I was a wizard on the Nintendo Entertainment System. They even made a movie about me going to a huge tournament, where I used my Power Glove to play Mario Brothers 3.

I think that happened, anyway.

Looking back after decades of changes in the industry has definitely shattered the rose colored glasses. I still love the system I grew up on, but  I can openly admit not everything holds up well. I'm not talking graphics or sound or design, most Nintendo games were pretty solid in those respects. But ask anyone that grew up with the NES what they remember most about the system and they'll probably give you the same answer I will - the difficulty. Before From Software made you cry with its Souls series of games, the NES was bitch slapping children's self worth like no other ever could.

And that brings me to the game I want to talk about today - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That's another circle completed.

If you've ever played a Ninja Turtles game you already know what to expect. Before the 2000's cartoon churned out awful turtle game after awful turtle game, the shell backs were known for catchy music, beat em up action, and multiplayer goodness.

Well, except for the very first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game on the NES. Holy shit was that game the dark horse of the Ninja stable. Whoah, nice wordplay! *High five*

I won't bore you with the details that every other reviewer has gone over a thousand times in length. Let me just shorten it by saying the game was ungodly hard. There you go, that's the secret of the TMNT game. I just saved you hours of watching squeaky voiced gaming nerd videos to find out why the game is so infamous.

Yeah, the game was a bitch to play. I'm surprised I got as far as I did as a kid, which honestly wasn't very. You can breeze through the first act pretty quickly, especially if you save Donatello for the final boss. You'll quickly discover that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might have been one of the first games that used a tier list, as Donatello is the Cadillac of ninjas. Leonardo is some kind of hybrid that means well but isn't quite as cool. Raphael and Michelangelo might as well have been renamed Red Fodder and Orange Fodder because their short range weapons are almost completely useless. Raph didn't have any of the attitude he was well known for in the series, here he was just the guy you sent in to save the good turtles for the boss.

And, by the way, God forbid you do lose health and try to play through with that turtle. That noise the game makes when you're low on health may be the single most annoying sound that has ever been created, and I'm including Rosie Perez's voice and the alarm clock that goes every morning reminding me that real life is ready to fuck me in the ass again.

Kotaku is right on the money here.

But unless you suck completely at every aspect of life, or you were lucky like me, you won't hear the wails of a thousand dead angels until the second level. If you've ever researched this game at all you already know about the underwater level. It is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do in a video game, and let no one discourage you and say the difficulty was overrated. No, this level is damn near impossible. Forget Blight Town and Ninja Gaiden, this is what you want someone to play if you're trying to ween them off of gaming for good.

I can't remember how long it took me to beat this level, but it single handedly destroyed all desire to finish this game. When I did beat it there was no sense of accomplishment or the feeling that I had defeated my greatest rival. I was broken and depressed by the end of it and I just wanted my adventures with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to end. I made a level or two past this point, but the damage was so bad to my psyche that I gave up not long after and moved on to the admittedly superior Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2.

I always regretted never finishing the Turtles game for the NES. It was a black eye on a pretty good gaming career. So I recently went back and, with all of the experience I've accrued since then, decided to face my demons one more time. This time...I would be ready.

And I still can't beat this fucking game. Fuck this game! Goddamn fucking Turtles!!! I'm selling all of my gaming gear to GameStop and I'm going to buy a Little Caesers pizza with the 7 bucks they give me for it.

THERE IS NO MEANING TO LIFE ANYMORE.

But let's end this on a positive note. For all the trouble this game has given me I still love it. I love the box art used a style similar to the original comics and even has the turtles all wearing red. I like the music, the graphics were solid, and there's just something about my very first Ninja Turtle game that will always hold a special place in my heart.

Also, here's a picture of porn star April O'Neil cosplaying as...April O'Neil. How clever!

Why Can't We Be Friends?

The popular belief is that Shannon L. Young is one happening dude. Sure, I'm strong, charismatic, and ruggedly handsome amongst other excellent traits. It's only natural to think that I'm the center of the social circle and the glue that holds together entire societies. Getting the picture I'm painting for you? I'm a popular guy. I have a large circle of friends and easily win over most of the people I come across.

A week ago I would have agreed with you. I was definitely under the belief that I meant a hell of a lot to the world than I now realize. Thankfully a little bird, or harpy if you will, made me question the bonds between myself and my fellow man.

I did not like the answers I found.

What is friendship, anyway? Are there different levels or is it all black and white with no room for grey? At the most basic level of consideration I guess the argument could be made that I have quite a bit going for me in the friends department. My Facebook list, which I purposely only included people I know IRL, was nearing two hundred people and I considered each of them a real person. You see, I had convinced myself that because I had known them in person that somehow we were all closer than we really were. Just because you know someone personally doesn't mean you mean a damn thing to them.

Before social media came along, friendship used to be based on real emotions and togetherness. As a kid I had a handful of true friends that I would see often, and we would go bike riding and play video games. Sometimes we would just sit the fuck down and not do anything at all. We would just lounge around on each others furniture and talk about the dumbest shit until the morning sun came up.

Did I ever tell you about our idea for a flying carpet? Well, nevermind, I'm getting off topic here.

My point is that it was easier to gauge who was really your friend and who you were just friendly with back then. Nowadays you have friends lists, texting, extended circles, and a hundred other ways to make sure you never have to make any direct contact with another human being ever again.

I think back to an episode of King of the Hill, or as we call it around the office (aka my apartment) "the greatest animated program of all time." Strickland Propane joined the online community by putting their business on MySpace before the site became a giant ad for indie bands. Donna, from accounting, got a little bit nuts and fell back on her online friends when everything fell apart. It wasn't until Hank, who was always weary of an online community, talked some sense into her and made her realize who her real friends were that the situation was defused and life returned to normal. Sure, Donna is a woman and that can explain a lot of her insanity, but I think that social media is just as to blame.

We have tricked ourselves into thinking that just because you see a name on a list and that person likes something you say that you're friends. You're not. You're just names on a screen. That's all you are and that's all you'll ever be until you break the down that cyber wall and get back to actual humanizing.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that Facebook is a terrible thing. Social media sites can be very handy at helping people far away from each other keep in touch. As a tool it is harmless and helpful. As a basis of socializing it is the wool being pulled over all of our eyes, and it's just growing and growing every day.

I've seen entire groups of people standing together and every single one of them is texting away on a cell phone. I've been sitting on the couch with my roommate and we're both messaging other people and not interacting with each other or even watching the damn movie!

Why do we do this to ourselves? When did we become so dependent on being so lazy? We're all busy, for one. It's a well known fact that Americans especially are busier than we've ever been. Studies show that we're taking less vacation days at work, we're working longer hours, and we're spending more time in school or studying for it. We're filling the days of our lives with back and forth monotony and the prospect of keeping all of our social circles together with the mere click of a button liking someones dumbass status that they thought was hi-goddamn-larious or agreeing with their insane right wing views on gun control is very attractive. Minimal effort for what we conceive is a maximum payout.

But you're wrong, my friend...er...acquaintance. You're paying the price the moment you cut off your virtual ropes and see who actually reaches out for you before you fall. That's what I did. I deactivated my Facebook and, minus the initial "WE'LL MISS YOU BRO" comments from some genuinely nice people, I haven't had any contact with anyone except for my fiance, my roommate, and my coworkers.

I realized that when I'm not forcing people to pay attention to me, no one cares enough to do so of their own free will. That's a hard pill to swallow but I choked that fucker down.

I actually felt a little bad today when a coworker asked me if I was okay, as they often do when I'm not dancing a jig for their entertainment, and she made a reference to me being her friend. I told her we weren't friends, because we're not, and she had the same look on her face that I had on mine when I was hit with the truth. She's a sweet girl and all, but we don't hang out when we're not at work. We don't text each other to check up on each other. We don't make an effort. We never have and we never will.

I have few friends in this world, far less than the hundreds that I thought I did days ago. But, surprisingly enough, I'm okay with that. The only friends I have are the only friends I need. I'm a writer, a creator, and an imaginative mind. People like us work better without friends, anyway. They just get in the way and distract me from what's really important - the worlds I create for myself. It may sound odd to you, but that's okay. You wouldn't understand because you don't know me. We're not friends. See that? Full circle.

If you care about someone, care about them. Show them. Don't let your bonds become shackles and don't fool yourself into a false sense of security. Real friendship is great, after all, and much better than anything your phone has an app for.

It's true what they say - Friendship is magic.